If you’ve yet to hear about Nikki Novo, let me introduce you to the author, relationship expert, self-help master, and all-around awesome girl who started out in Miami, went to L.A., came back to Miami, and somehow figured it all out along the way. She’s now ready to share that journey with you in her new book, Will I Be Alone Forever? …And Other Dating Questions You Wish a Psychic Would Answer. Read ahead for an interview where Nikki tells me about her worst date, how to hone our intuition, and the secret to finding the right one.
What inspired you to write this book?
A few years ago, I was my reader! I was the friend who was constantly dating but could never find someone who was willing to stick it out with me. I really thought there must be something wrong with me. During that time I also started a blog where I wrote about all the dates I was going on and what I was learning about myself in the process. I started to understand that dating is actually not a means to an end. It’s not about, “Let’s just get this shot over with so I can get married and have 2.5 kids.” Dating, if done right, is actually a really special time for self-discovery and getting to know oneself. If we take this approach rather than the frantic approach we often are prone to taking, dating can actually be fun (gasp) and we’ll get the results we’re longing for.
What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?
How does a girl pick?! When I was living in L.A., I met this guy while visiting Vegas. He seemed like a decent dude — I mean, he brought me to Paris! Ok, Paris the hotel. Anyway, when we were back in L.A., we had our second date, which is when he felt it was a good time to play me old voicemails on his phone from girls who liked him. He was trying to convince me that I was special because he was turning down all these women for me — women who left desperate voicemail messages on his phone. So strange.
Do you think a girl should stick out a date, even if she’s not enjoying herself?
I think there’s something we can learn from every person and situation. Everyone has their own threshold, but I think sticking it out until there’s a natural break is a wise choice. For example, when dinner is over, don’t extend it by agreeing to a walk. But of course, if your date is a total douche bag, then you get up whenever, because you deserve better.
How did you know you were in the right relationship?
You know you’re in the right relationship when your partner is willing to grow with you. When you can look at your partner and say, “Hey, neither of us are perfect, but I know we’re going to encourage each other to grow,” you’re in a good place. To be clear, it’s not about changing your partner, but knowing that you’re with someone who is willing to be vulnerable and evolve with you. But know you need to be that kind of person, too.
What would you say to someone who’s lost hope in finding the right one?
I would say read my book! Ok, seriously, first off I would ask them to change their words. How we speak to ourselves — both externally and internally — is a direct reflection of what we see show up in our life. In other words, be nice to yourself and tell yourself a story that serves you.
Secondly, I’d ask this person to go back to a time when they were certain they would find a partner. Growing up, most of us just knew we were going to be married with kids at 25, because after all that is soooo old! Ok, well maybe we rather push the age a little. But it’s important to go back to that time when we were certain about what our life was going to look like. When we’re certain something is going to happen, we don’t have to get anxious about when it’s going to happen. Because we know it’s coming! If we could just keep the faith that our vision is accurate and go through life knowing it’s coming, there’s no reason to get our panties in a bunch. It’s just going to take longer!
Lastly, read “Will I be Alone Forever? …And Other dating Questions You Wish a Psychic Would Answer,” available on Amazon.
Would you say that intuition has a role to play in knowing the right one? Or do you think that gets cloudy after too many failed attempts?
Our intuition is always there to guide us. God knows, I didn’t always follow it, though. Especially when you get to a point that you just want to get this dating stuff over with. We’re really good at convincing ourselves that the first guy who said hi to us is “the one,” just because we really want him to be.
The best thing we can do is not force people into being someone they are not. We do this by painting pictures of people in our mind to fit our fairy tale. And then when they dump us three weeks later, we’re totally caught off guard. Why? Because we so desperately wanted them to be something they are not and even though they told us and showed us several time that they are not the person we want them to be.
To access your intuition, practice listening… listening deeply with no judgments. Listen to what people are telling you, and you will see who they are and what role they are meant to play in your life.
What was your favorite part about writing this book?
Honestly, I loved writing it. When it comes to achieving goals — obviously writing this book was a goal for me —, I truly believe that happiness arrives as soon as we start. We tend to think that we’ll be happy when we achieve the goal — like when the book is printed —, but really happiness found me as soon as I started writing.
What do you hope your readers will take away from this project?
My intention is that my reader finds peace in the process. I can’t think of a greater gift.