When I started blogging back in 2004 (those LiveJournal days!), the appeal was that I could hide behind the page and just get the words out without having to really show my face. Not that I wanted to hide behind anonymity – it wasn’t really about that at all. It was really more about my overwhelmingly introverted side remaining just that: out of view and happily so.
I’m a writer by nature. Always have been. I was a writer when I was 7 and started drafting my own short stories because weekly trips to the library couldn’t keep up with my demand for make-believe. I was a writer through my painfully awkward teen years when I was convinced that Fiona Apple was the authority on all things poetic. And I was a writer through my college years when I first got published in the St. Petersburg Times and actually got paid for it (I was seriously thrilled). But none of those ever required there to be a face behind the words. Nobody cared who I was on LiveJournal. They just read it and left me comments. Or they didn’t. Either way, I was fine with it.
I guess things are a little different now. Partly because being a blogger now means having to put a face to your words. And partly because I’m a little less introverted than I used to be (I attribute it to daring myself to try new things after the loss of a good friend when I was in my 20’s.) And it was time to update my pictures since I’ve had the same ones up from when I first started Bubbles & Ink. So after a few months of convincing, I let my husband put me in front of the camera and snap a few shots.
Now, don’t let this end result fool you. I didn’t just glide in, smile, and feel automatically glamorous. These shots came as a result of an initial attempt outdoors in Brickell where the rain did a serious number on my professionally styled hair and an unfortunate choice of outfit left me feeling like a 12-year-old with a Wednesday Addams complex gone wrong. (I do truly adore Wednesday Addams but my first outfit was about 10 years my junior. I need to stop shopping on ModCloth. I will be 35 in April, for Christ’s sake.)
No, these shots, these with the smiling and the lounging on fur and casually strewn pillows – these were the end result of about a half bottle of champagne and a whole lot of letting go. Letting go of the fact that I’m no longer 25. Letting go of the idea in my head of what I’m supposed to look like. And letting go of the fact that I’m still at least 20 lbs over where I’d hoped to be by now, but understanding that it’s not the end of the world. Seriously. There are so many other real things to be focused on.
So here they are. The result of a whole lot convincing, reassuring, and patient encouragement from my ridiculously supportive husband. And a whole lot of champagne. And I’m pretty happy with them. So pleased, in fact, that I decided not to Photoshop myself into a thinner, younger, more polished version of me. And that feels kinda nice.
Thank you, Husband. <3
P.S. The hair and makeup really did look nice before the rain. This is what was left after it. Still, thanks a million to Arlen at Portfolio Salon.